When I hit my thirties, I had cautious optimism about the future. I meandered through my youth and twenties; shortcuts led to traps and scenic routes took me far off the path, until I felt lost and defeated. There were moments where I wondered what the point of all of this was. Am I just here to take up space? Am I an extra in someone else’s story? I was disconnected from my family, my identity, and my passions.

Two years ago, things changed. I recognized that I let myself become a passenger on my own journey, and, thanks to an incredible support system, regained control. I fell in love with my soon-to-be wife. We made incredible memories, and then got life-changing news: we were pregnant. My entire world flipped and I had no idea what was going to happen next. The next nine months involved various shifts in my behavior and priorities. I got closer to my mother, who was over the moon about becoming a grandma. I felt an overwhelming need to protect my fiancee. I read books about fatherhood and met with other dads to get their advice. I reconnected with my cousin and became close with a newer group of friends. I found a stronger passion for my work and achieving a level of comfortable income that could provide for my family. There was an anticipation growing inside of me that I couldn’t describe when I thought about the impending birth of my first child.

And then, she arrived.

The moment my daughter was born, everything clicked. I saw her entire life, and I saw mine. I felt every emotion I would experience in my existence-past, present, and future, all at once. The world stopped and I saw it for all of its imperfection and beauty, and I knew how I fit in. I’m not here to take up space. I’m here for my fiancee. I’m here for my daughter. I’m here for myself. My story is their story; their story is our story; our story is your story.

She’s a year old, and that year was both difficult and rewarding. I learned so much about myself, my partner, our relationship, my family, my interests, my culture, and how it all shapes my identity. Nothing is perfect. Some days, I’m on top of the world. Some days, I’m in the trenches. Most days, things are good.

Recently, I wanted to reconnect with one of my passions: writing. I have loved writing and storytelling since I was a kid. I love the power it has to entertain, teach, and help me to reflect. The problem is that I never know what it is I want to write about. I get so lost in my head that I don’t know what it is I want to say. I end up feeling like an old ship at sea in the dead of night, clouds blocking the light from the moon and stars, unsure of where I can navigate to next. That can be painful to push through, but then I think about how dark things used to be, and then I remember:

Every moment, challenge, decision, and action, brought us all to this place in life. Good, bad, calm, and chaos. And it is majestic.

I hope this blog helps me to remember that, especially when things get hard. That’s ultimately what this is about: reflecting on my experiences and interests to understand my identity and continue to establish my place in the world.

I hope this helps others find their way, too.